4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i don't like sucking hair
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
