Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
