my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
