You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
