i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
