chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
