the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Omg I joined a choir last night...
tell me about the eggs
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
