Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
