its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
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