The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
why do cheetos always look like penises
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
