I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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