it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
