my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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