My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
jump out the window naked night went bad
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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