Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
