K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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