i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
