Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
