So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
