dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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