Umm I'm too high to move.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
