Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
