You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
