They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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