Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
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