somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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