it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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