I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
