I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
