hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
