i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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