you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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