I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
