is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
