How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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