i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Randomize
