Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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