Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
