I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
we made out on top of his cat.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
