She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
