how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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