so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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