I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
