The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
