I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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