You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
