I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i came on her dog
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
