it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Panties = found
Randomize
