I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
