we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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