You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
