You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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