I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
