Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
