the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
you will always have a special place in my vag
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
