Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
