What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
