also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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